Becoming a cancer carer: 10 lessons from experience

Being the carer for someone with cancer is a role nobody can quite prepare you for.

In those early days especially, many carers find themselves asking the same questions: What should I be doing? How can I best support them? How do I cope myself?

There is no single way to be a carer, and no handbook that perfectly fits every situation. However, hearing from others who have walked this path can sometimes make it feel a little less daunting.

We have gathered 10 tips to help you make those first steps in these new shoes, inspired by Paul Evans's booklet '15 things I wish I'd known from the start'.

Break the news in the best way for you

There is no 'right' way to tell people that your loved one has cancer.

Whether you are telling people on behalf of the person with cancer, or are telling your own friends and family, think about which feels like the best way for you to do it.

If you can't bear the thought of repeating the same bad news or answering questions, you might prefer to send an email or text.

While making the phone calls can be gruelling, for some it can also be cathartic. 'For me it made the unmanageable just about manageable.' - Paul Evans.

If you are unsure where to start, come to your nearest Maggie's. A cancer support specialist can help you find the words to share the news.

Tell your medical team what you DON'T want to know

To help you understand the cancer diagnosis, treatment and care, your oncology team and GP will provide you with lots of information about the condition.

However, you may decide that there is some information you don't want to know, such as the prognosis, or statistics relating to the diagnosis.

Whether it is you or the person you are caring for who doesn't wish to know certain details, it is a good idea to tell the medical professional at the start of the conversation. This avoids you hearing anything that you can't unhear.

Of course, you can change your mind at any point, or request that you are informed if the prognosis changes in any way.

We have more tips to help you with talking with healthcare professionals.

Consider what is the best treatment for you

While your oncology team will recommend the best treatment they have available for your diagnosis, you may wish to consider if there is an alternative that would be even better for you and your lifestyle.

As a carer, you can help the cancer patient communicate their wishes and priorities to their oncology team. 

You may want to find out about treatment paths available elsewhere, clinical trials you could be eligible for, or ask for a second opinion if you have further concerns.

You can also talk through the treatment plan with a cancer support specialist at Maggie's.

Be cautious when searching for information online

Search engines such as Google and ChatGPT can provide lots of information very quickly. This can be useful for helping you inform yourself, so that you can get the most out of your oncology appointments and know what questions to ask.

However, 'Dr Google' doesn't know your unique situation, so it can't paint the full picture. The information you find could be:

• outdated
• taken out of context
• from an untrustworthy source
• scientifically unproven
• inaccurate
• irrelevant to you
  

Be sure to speak to your medical team about anything you've read online, and they will confirm what is accurate and could be helpful for your situation. You can find out more about navigating cancer misinformation here.

Put together a medication chart

Depending on their treatment plan, the person you are caring for may need to to take different medication at different times of day.

Whether you live with the person with cancer or not, consider helping them create a medication chart including all the information of when they need to take which drugs, at what time of day, before or after food, etc.

It might also help to get them a pill box to fill with the tablets for the week ahead.

Get support before the overwhelm takes over

The shock of the initial diagnosis and the subsequent information, appointments, treatment plans, therapies, medication, advice, etc. is a lot for anyone to process, and feeling overwhelmed is completely normal.

You may find that you're trying to carry some of the load for the person with cancer. But remember: you don't have to do this alone, and you don't have to do everything at once either.

Writing down everything that's on your mind and breaking things down into manageable steps can help you process the emotional load.

Our cancer support specialists are here to help lift a weight off your shoulders, and we have numerous support groups at Maggie's where you can speak to other people who understand how you are feeling.

Give yourself time and space to reset

Cancer can consume your thoughts, your conversations, and your time. Even when you aren't actively thinking about it, your body may still be in a state of stress.

As a carer, it is important that you give your body and mind a break. This could be:

• having a chat with a friend about something unrelated
• exercising
• starting or continuing a hobby
• reading a book
• getting a change of scenery

Maggie's centres are just around the corner from 27 oncology centres in the UK. Whether you come in to join an exercise group, a relaxation class, or just to have some time to yourself in an oasis of calm, remember that you are always welcome.

Embrace the sentiment behind the clichés

You may find yourself hearing similar, clichéd messages of support from friends and family about staying strong and being positive.

For some, these can be empowering and encouraging words. For others, they can feel disheartening and heavy.

Try to let these messages lift you rather than get you down. Instead of focusing on the words themselves, try to acknowledge how that person wanted to make you feel, and reframe the cliché in a way that does that for you.

Don't be afraid to speak to palliative care

The palliative care team have a role to play in ensuring that your loved one is comfortable. This can involve managing the symptoms of the cancer or treatment, like pain or sickness, as well as end of life care.

If you think the person you are caring for would benefit from support from palliative care, try not to be put off by the name and what we associate it with.

Getting the right support at the right time can vastly improve the quality of life of the person you are caring for. You can speak to your medical team or GP about getting a referral.

Care for yourself, too

As a carer, you may find yourself putting the needs of the person you are caring for above your own. But who is caring for you, and your needs?

Be sure to look after yourself, and seek support for yourself too. This could mean taking time alone or in other company, prioritising your physical health and wellbeing, and getting support for your mental health.

You might even want to ask a friend to check in with you regularly, or to help you out so you can have that time.

Maggie's is here for friends and families too, and we have a full programme of support available to help you through, including peer support groups where you can meet other carers.

Paul Evans' guide to being the carer for a cancer patient

In memory of his wife, film producer Melanie Dicks, who passed away in 2025 after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, Paul Evans has written and published a booklet of 15 things he wishes he had been told or asked to consider as a carer for someone with cancer.

The booklet includes practical, real tips that would have helped him and could help others who find themselves in similar situations.

A launch event for the booklet will be held at Maggie's, West London on Wednesday 4 March 2026.

You can download '15 things I wish I'd known from the start' for free, or find a copy in your nearest Maggie's centre.

Last review: Feb 2026 | Next review: Feb 2029