Rebecca on making the difficult decision to remove her ovaries

Difficulty getting a diagnosis

I was only 25 when I found a lump on my right breast.

In the beginning, the doctors were quite sure that my lump would be non-cancerous because I'd had a couple of lumps on my breasts in the past that had been fibroadenomas. But this lump behaved differently. The fibroadenomas had felt quite malleable – you could move them around and I could feel the back of them, but this lump felt quite stuck. I couldn't move it around and I couldn’t feel the back at all.

Following an ultrasound and biopsy I found out that I had breast cancer. At that point, the doctors were sure it was easily treatable. I was reassured and still felt quite positive because I was young, the lump was deemed to be small, and we thought it was an isolated tumour.

Discovering a second tumour

The team had planned for me to have chemotherapy and then surgery, but things quite quickly turned more sinister. A CT scan showed up another lump in my liver, which was confirmed to be breast cancer cells that had spread. Essentially, my world had turned upside down.

I had secondary breast cancer – also known as metastatic cancer, or stage four cancer. I remember sitting in a waiting room full of people over 60, and my mortality was front and centre. Everything about this was absolutely shocking.

Thankfully, the doctors were very thorough. I was put on aggressive cancer treatment - my cancer was incurable but treatable - including Letrozole, Ribociclib and a hormone suppressive injection. These were strong drugs, which fortunately reduced the size of my tumours. This meant I could have surgery to remove the tumour in my liver, and I had a single mastectomy to take away my right breast.

This was all completed by September 2021, but my journey wasn’t over. I’ve been on cancer treatment ever since.

Menopause and finding Maggie's

My cancer was found to be very hormone sensitive, so my treatment had to suppress my hormones. The first two years on it were miserable – I was exhausted, had extreme fatigue, and there were many days when I couldn’t get out of bed.

I would often lie awake and wonder if it was all worth it.

Dramatically falling hormone levels meant I had gone into crash menopause. I had really bad anxiety and depression, and my relationship with my partner of six years broke down.

I felt my life was crumbling around me, and that’s when I moved back to live with my parents in Nottingham.

It was a huge deal to move home at that time. I was leaving my life in Leeds, my friends, and even leaving my oncologist. But I didn’t regret it. I was fortunate to be nearer my sister and my nephew Charlie, as well as old school friends.

Fortunately, around the same time, I found Maggie’s Nottingham, the Secondary Breast Cancer Group there, and the Young Person’s Group led by Angelina, one of the cancer support specialists.

Support groups and making friends

Despite being the youngest at the Secondary Breast Cancer Group, I’ve made many friends there. The joint experience connects us in a very special way, and I am so grateful for them. The ladies were all so welcoming when I joined - they understood what I was going through and offered friendship when I thought I’d lost everything.

The support groups at Maggie's have helped to rehabilitate me and given me back my confidence. When I moved home, I really believed I would never be happy again. My mood was so low, and I was in such a mess. I certainly never thought I’d find love again.

But Angelina and my new friends at Maggie’s helped me find my new normal. They helped me to feel confident to be me again. My parents also helped me regain some of my independence by encouraging me to go to these groups, looking after my dog Tucker whilst I went, and often giving me lifts to Maggie’s. They also massively supported and encouraged me to pass my driving test. I am very grateful to them.

Opting for ovary removal surgery

In January 2024, after long discussions with my medical team, I finally opted to have my ovaries removed, which put me into a permanent menopause. It was deemed to be the best thing for me, offering a better quality of life and taking me out of the medically induced menopause, which had my mood constantly up and down depending on where I was in my hormone-suppressant injection cycle.

Since having my ovaries removed, my anxiety and mood levels have stabilised somewhat, and I do feel much better. However, this also came with the extreme disappointment that I would never be able to have children naturally, which was something I'd always wanted. It was a very difficult decision to make, but I listened to the advice of those closest to me.

It ended up being the best decision for my health and quality of life.

I have had support at Maggie’s for many of the things that I’ve been through to do with my cancer and treatment, and they supported me through this decision, as well by offering me a space to talk it all out and talk through my thought processes. It was nice to talk to someone who was more impartial.

I know that some days are good for me, and some days are bad, but Maggie’s has helped me to find my rhythm through coming to the groups as that adds structure to my week. Through the various courses Maggie’s offers, I am reminded to take each day as it comes.

I used to hate that ball of cancer cells and what it had done to me so much. I wished that all of that hadn’t happened. Obviously, I still do, but now I am much more accepting, and I know I can carry on with my life and this new normal. I am living with cancer.

Dating as someone living with cancer

Two of my friends at the Maggie’s Young Person’s Group, Steph and Jono, encouraged me to start dating again, telling me ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’

On an online dating app, I wanted people to know when they viewed my profile exactly who I was. My bio read: ‘Just a girl with cancer and her dog Tucker looking for someone to share adventures with.’ I was very upfront because I didn’t want to see anyone’s disappointment when they met me for the first time and my cancer diagnosis came up.

I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me or date me out of sympathy, and I certainly didn't want to discuss the story of how I was diagnosed on a first date. I wanted people to make their own responses privately, and I wanted people to get to know me not just cancer me. I also did it to protect myself a little bit from rejection, so I didn't become discouraged.

I did meet with a couple of guys who ghosted me. Then there was one lad who'd had cancer in the family and I thought he understood what I was going through and where I was regarding treatment. We got on well, but then told me he just couldn’t handle it. I was glad he told me as opposed to ghosting me.

I was sad because I never thought I would find love again, but I have now found it in Marcus. I also met him on the dating app. We are an item and only nine months in. We try to schedule dates when my fatigue isn’t as much of a problem. He is a farmer and always pretty tired too, so we go on day dates, often including our dogs. We get on really well, and he even set up an art and crafts desk at his house for me to be creative and crafty – something Maggie’s reignited my love for when I started attending their art therapy class.

Honesty has meant everything in this new relationship, and it’s all been about being very open and honest communication from the very beginning.

Learning to drive

New beginnings for me after cancer have meant that I have also recently learned to drive. Before, I would rely on my dad to take me to hospital appointments and Maggie’s.

In the past I'd tried to learn in a manual car, but my joints were so stiff due to menopause and treatment side effects that I knew I would struggle. However, I have since passed my test in an automatic car with the help of a fantastic instructor, and I now have a car through Motability. It has an adaptive handbrake that has a lever and you use your whole hand to operate it instead of just your thumb, which makes it so much easier to use.

Reflecting on five years since my diagnosis

Through coming to Maggie’s and meeting people, I’ve learned that life is worth living, and you can adapt to learn to do things in different ways, even with and after cancer. To be honest, I don’t know what I would have done without them.

This September marks five years since my diagnosis. That’s not bad considering I was first given six months to a year to live if the treatment didn't work! I now have my bloods checked, my next treatment prescribed and an appointment with my oncologist every four weeks, and I am scanned every four months to check my situation.

Cancer has slowed me down, but it’s made me appreciate what I have and everything around me. I’m stable, I’m happy to be living near my sister and my parents, I’m in a relationship with Marcus, and I love my little dog Tucker - my best friend and my shadow.

I’m grateful to be here and for everything and everyone I have in my life.