Mandy on living over 30 years with cancer

• When I was 21, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma initially in my neck and chest.
• Four years later, at 25, it was in my groin and my back.
• At 38, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to have a mastectomy.
• Another four years after that I had a minor skin cancer. Thankfully that was less scary, but it was still a reminder of how fragile our bodies are.

It was during my third cancer, breast cancer, that I found Maggie’s. This was the cancer I was most emotionally impacted by, so I’m really lucky there was a centre on my doorstep. Immediately, I felt at home, cared for and safe.

My first diagnosis

Being diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma when I was 21 was a massive shock, and I was really worried about the impact on my family. When you’re young, that sort of thing shouldn’t be happening.

I was upset and scared, but I focused on practical actions to get through it. I always thought I’d be alright. I don’t know what it was – the optimism of youth, perhaps?

I was at university at the time, so the biggest thing was feeling that everybody else’s life was moving on but mine was just stuck. When I had to miss a term, my friends wrote me letters to tell me what was going on. I still have those letters.

My second diagnosis

When cancer was found in my groin and back four years later, I did think, ‘Oh here we go again’. I’d met my now-wife Fiona by this stage, but we hadn’t been together very long. I had very supportive family and friends so I felt like I could deal with it, and I kept working part-time because I thought it would help me mentally.

My third diagnosis

It was when I was diagnosed for the third time, with breast cancer, that the cumulative effect made me less optimistic. Clearly, cancer was out to get me. I was really devastated.

Initially I focused on what actions I had to take - shuffling from one appointment to another, going through different surgeries and unfortunately infections. Then, when the surgeries finally stopped, that’s when I felt mentally at my worst.

I’d done what I could practically, but then I had to face up to dealing with it emotionally. I felt absolutely lost and I didn’t know how to move forward. I found myself crying without knowing why, and I’d wake up with tears streaming down my face. That’s when I went to Maggie’s.

Finding Maggie’s

My nearest Maggie’s was just a wonderful place just to be. There’s something about the place that oozes wellbeing, and the building helps to heal you by making you feel a bit more at peace. I was welcomed, but not patronised, and the staff there built relationships with both Fiona and I.

At first, Maggie’s helped me deal with the physical element of my treatment. I was offered a massage because I felt stressed, but after my mastectomy, I was worried about lying down on newly reconstructed breasts or getting undressed in a public place. Maggie’s was a safe place to test that out.

Then I went onto one-to-one counselling. What I took away from it was that I’ve always been considered the strong one. The counselling helped me to give myself permission to ask for help from other people.

But it was the young women’s group at Maggie’s that was the most valuable for me. Talking through my experiences with others in a similar situation really helped. People were so open. I could pick out bits of the conversation which would help me make sense of what was happening to me. A few of us kept coming back weekly and we built up such strong friendships we still meet up now.

A lifetime with cancer

I’ve been living with cancer in one shape or form for over 30 years now, which is how long Maggie’s has been around. Without Maggie’s, I would’ve been totally lost. Despite having amazing family and friends, there’s still an element of loneliness. Maggie has enabled me to make connections I wouldn’t have made elsewhere.

With the young women’s group, we were stronger together. We helped each other to move through. What I love about Maggie’s is that it doesn’t matter who you are, what income you have, or where you’re from – it’s all about helping people.

Cancer doesn’t just go away, even when you have a clear scan. It’s always there in the back of your mind. Somehow, you try to rebuild yourself. You can’t go back to being how you were, but you can move forward and make something better, even if it’s not the same. Cancer has made me feel like I have to experience and achieve things. I feel compelled to make every day count.

Finding fun and adventure

I’ve learnt that you shouldn’t make cancer your whole life. It’s very easy for it to become all-consuming, but you need to build in some fun.

Fiona and I are planning to travel to the Philippines and maybe Laos. I want to cycle Land’s End to John O’Groats if I can (my body is definitely feeling the long-term effects of cancer). I’m also learning the piano. I’m only a few weeks in, but I can already play ‘Amazing Grace’ and ‘Hallelujah’. I’ve tried laughter yoga too, which I very much recommend!

Giving back to Maggie's

I’ve also enjoyed raising funds for Maggie’s. It’s helped me make something meaningful out of a really horrible time. I’ve cycled almost 500 miles from Maggie’s Edinburgh to Maggie’s West London, completed an overnight 186-mile bike ride in Sweden, and even abseiled down the Cheese Grater building.

There’s something special about giving back to Maggie’s for the support you’ve received.

I've also set up a monthly Direct Debit as I feel it is important for Maggie's to be able to more effectively plan support to help others in the future too.

For Fiona and I there have been moments when we’ve wondered if things will ever go back to how they used to be, it’s almost like we were grieving for the life we used to have. But there have been some positive effects too. We always try to prioritise life, family and friends. We don’t take each other for granted and we try not to argue.

Basically, we feel lucky that I’m still here.

Become a Friend of Maggie's

Everyone with cancer deserves a place like Maggie’s. We want to continue to grow so that we can support everyone impacted by cancer in the UK.

It costs nothing to come into one of our centres - but it takes your kind donations to keep us free of charge for everyone living with cancer and their family and friends.

Become a Friend of Maggie's by donating, fundraising for us or getting involved, and help Maggie’s to be here today, tomorrow and always.