Lizzi on having the same cancer diagnosis as her mum and finding support together

I was only two when my mum first had breast cancer, so I don’t really remember it. She had a lumpectomy then chemotherapy and kept working and looking after me throughout.

We got on with our lives then, when I was 27, I found a hard lump in my breast. 

Both Mum and I have the BRCA gene which increases your risk of developing cancer, so I immediately knew it wasn’t good. 

A biopsy showed that it was stage one cancer but a fast-moving type, meaning there was no time to delay. 

I had a single mastectomy then started chemotherapy. I didn’t have time to think too far ahead. I just had to make the next best decision and get on with it.

From living my best life to treatment fears

The whole thing was a massive shock. I’d been living my best life, spending time with friends, going on holiday, enjoying my job in HR, going to church and not really thinking beyond that.

It was really hard on my dad and all my family, especially my mum. 

My treatment was at the same hospital she’d been treated at 25 years earlier, which brought back all sorts of memories for her. 

She tried to be positive and pointed out that we were fortunate we’d found the cancer early, but I know she felt the sadness and guilt of passing this thing on.

My friends were amazing, but it was new to all of us. None of us had any experience of cancer or knew anyone else going through the same thing. When I was having chemo, I hardly ever saw anyone my age on the ward. 

Sometimes I found myself searching for my symptoms on the internet and that was the worst. I just came across the worst case scenarios. 

You go down into a spiral and your mind starts to imagine what might happen if your treatment doesn’t work out. I leaned on my Christian faith a lot in those moments, but it was hard not to feel doom and gloom.

Social media was just as bad. The comparison with other people’s lives was painful. 

I was dealing with chemotherapy, and my hair started to fall out while I was on a video call, but their lives hadn’t changed a bit. You got married? Great. You’re on holiday? I’m so glad. 

I was young, single and living at home with my mum. There was so much I still hadn’t done in life.  

Maggie's takes the panic away

It was my breast cancer nurse who first told me about Maggie’s. 

Mum and I went over to the centre together and it instantly felt like a massive relief. 

Straightaway, Lorraine, a psychologist, came over and asked, ‘How’s it going? Do you want a cup of tea? A biscuit?’ 

Everyone there was dealing with cancer in some way so there was no tip-toeing around what was going on, but everyone was sensitive. I knew I could chill out there.

That’s one of the reasons I love Maggie’s. It takes away the panic you feel when you have cancer and just takes everything down a notch. 

It gives you permission to open up and be honest. You don’t need to put on a brave face.

After that, every time I had a hospital appointment, Mum and I would go to Maggie’s afterwards. 

While I had one-to-one sessions with a psychologist, Mum could have a chat and relax. She obviously worried about me, so it was a weight off her to know that I had somewhere to go and get support. She was so impressed with how much things had improved since her experience with cancer. 

Around Christmas, we even dressed up and went to a carol concert at the centre. It was a lovely time together.

Finding peer support

At Maggie’s, they understood that being in my twenties meant I was feeling a little isolated from other people with cancer. The centre head set me up with two other girls my age, Eloise and Amy, who’d just been diagnosed too.  

We met at the centre with a psychologist and talked about everything we were going through. We were all in it together and there was nothing we couldn’t share. 

We could talk about our worries, finances and symptoms or try on wigs or just chat about Kim Kardashian. We became a little crew. I couldn’t imagine having to go through all of this without them.

Maggie’s was still there for me once my treatment ended. People think that once your treatment’s over you go back to normal but it’s not true. 

Maggie’s understands that it’s not just medical stuff you need help with, it’s everything else. What’s going on in your head is as important as what’s going on in your body.

Mum's second diagnosis

Gradually, I moved on with my life, went back to work, met my husband and had our baby daughter. 

Six years passed then, a few months ago, my mum was diagnosed with stage one cancer in the breast that was clear last time. 

It was so hard to get the bad news, but Maggie’s was there for us again.

We’ve started coming back to Maggie’s together and while Mum has her chemotherapy appointments I can take a moment of calm or just to catch up on my work. 

Going to Maggie’s helps me not to worry too much. It’s a wonderful place to take a load off, be understood and supported. If you’ve had bad news or a rubbish day you know you’ll get support at Maggie’s.

Caring for Mum

When I had my diagnosis, I lived with Mum and she looked after me. Now, she’s moved in with me, my husband and our daughter and I’m looking after her. 

In a weird way, it’s been lovely. We got on well and she’s my bestie so it’s all good.

It’s funny but now that I’m caring for Mum I realise that, in some ways, cancer can be worse for the carer than the person with the diagnosis. 

When it’s happening to you, you have to focus and get on with it. 

But when you’re watching one of the people you love most in the world go through cancer and you can’t take it all away, it’s just horrendous. You feel powerless.

That’s when you can’t underestimate what it means to have a safe, warm, welcoming place like Maggie’s to go to during the trickiest times. I know Mum thinks the same.

We’re here with you

Our cancer support specialists, psychologists and benefits advisors are here for everyone with cancer, and all the people who love them. 

• Come and see us at your nearest Maggie’s
• Call us on 0300 123 180 or arrange a callback
• Cmail us at enquiries@maggies.org