Cara on dealing with conflicted feelings and life with a stoma

Cara had to deal with the emotional challenge of freezing eggs in the hopes of one day having a baby. 

Thankfully, she turned to Maggie’s, where she found support that was “way more than I ever thought it would be".

Feeling 'under the weather' 

I had felt ‘under the weather’ for a while. I went to see my GP with a burning pain in my lower back and was diagnosed with IBS triggered by stress. 

For quite a significant time I believed I had IBS.  I was in so much pain though I was actually off work. 

I was up in the night with hot water bottles and I remember thinking ‘if this is what IBS is like, how do people live with it?'

A smear test found abnormal cells and I was eventually diagnosed with cervical cancer in April 2023.  I had a 4.5 centimetre tumour. 

This time was a bit of a blur, there was a lot of scans and appointments.  

You are in a state of survival.

Freezing my eggs

My partner Timmy and I had to decide if we wanted to freeze eggs with a view to starting a family in the future. 

We were very lucky as we were able to retrieve 14 eggs on my 34th birthday. 

12 of which we could freeze, and if one of those transpires into a little baby that would be wonderful.

Treatment and surgery

I underwent six rounds of chemotherapy and 25 sessions of radiotherapy over six weeks.  I also had brachytherapy.  

A scan in December 2023 showed there was still something there, but doctors wanted to wait for a second scan. This second scan showed the tumour had grown and I would need an operation.  

The surgeons removed my womb, ovaries, cervix, bladder and part of the bowel leaving me with two stoma bags. 

You have to hold on to hope, but I kept thinking I was done. That was me, and I could manage. Then all of a sudden, I wasn’t again. 

I was horrified by the thought of the surgery. I didn’t realise that it could mean losing my bowel and bladder.  I was devastated.  

That was a really hard day, I kept thinking ‘how did we end up here’.  

I am hopeful now though, that I will have the bowel re-joined so I only have to live with one stoma. 

Crash menopause 

Facing menopause in the mix brought me to my knees – trying to work out what was treatment and what was menopause. It took me so much by surprise, I was broken.

It took the wind right out of my sails. Trying to work out what was treatment and what was menopause was a true minefield. 

I didn’t know what was what, what I could do to help, what was happening to my body and everyone and everything around me just irritated me. 

I felt guilty as these were the people who had supported me through the hardest part of my life, but I didn’t want them around me, and if they touched me, it just gave me rage. I probably wasn’t pleasant to be around.

 Then I did the menopause course at Maggie’s. 

The staff there were kind and supportive, and exactly what I needed at that time, which was amazing, as that was a beast. Maggie’s is really beautiful and I would highly recommend anyone use the centres.

Turning to Maggie's 

When I turned to Maggie’s for support, I found a lot more than I could imagine. Maggie’s was way more than I ever thought it would be.  

I also got counselling support, which really helped me with the conflicting feelings I had, but it was also somewhere just to sit and be with people who understood.  

Maggie’s staff were kind and supportive, and exactly what I needed. 

It is such a calm and accepting place.

The future

I am grateful I am alive and have a fairly healthy body, I will get used to living with a stoma and if we are meant to have babies then we will have babies. 

Since August 2024, I have been in recovery, although that’s been far from simple.  

I've had partial blockages from scar tissue, causing me to vomit up to five times a day until Christmas. 

I naively thought I would be back at work by October, but instead, I was bedbound.

I also had to come to terms with the fact that I will never carry my own children, but hopefully, one day, there might be some way.  

You have to have hope because as soon as you lose hope, what have you got?

We’re here with you

Our cancer support specialists, psychologists and benefits advisors are here for everyone with cancer, and all the people who love them. 

• Come and see us at your nearest Maggie’s
• Call us on 0300 123 180 
• Email us at enquiries@maggies.org