Amy on going to uni after her dad's cancer diagnosis

I'll always remember: when I was younger and just starting secondary school, Dad would always make sure to get home on time from his meetings on Thursdays so we could watch Death In Paradise together.

In January 2021, my dad started to get headaches, which was really unusual for him. By the middle of January, we had to ring an ambulance for him as he had woken up in severe pain. At the hospital they quickly diagnosed him with multiple brain tumours, and unfortunately these were secondary tumours - he had stage 4 primary bowel cancer.

It was such a big shock as suddenly Dad had a terminal diagnosis. It just came out of nowhere.

We were still in lockdown at the time which added another layer of complication. He immediately had to undergo brain surgery while we were stuck at home unable to be with him.

Coming to Maggie’s

After Dad’s diagnosis, I was really struggling. It was my mum who knew about Maggie’s as her friend had been before. So she rang up the Oldham centre and spoke to the centre head, Trish.

At first, I began having weekly zoom calls with Trish, which turned into weekly chats at the centre after Covid restrictions were lifted.

Trish helped me with more than just coming to terms with my dad’s diagnosis. She also helped me cope with how to do ‘normal life’ alongside dealing with this massive thing our family was going through.

I started having panic attacks, which Maggie’s really supported me with. I had some sessions with the centre’s psychologist, Laura, who would support me by talking about my emotions and understanding what I was feeling.

The support really made it easier to cope with the panic attacks, as I could recognise that they were happening and control my breathing.

Now, five years later, I still use all of the techniques she showed me when I feel panic rising. Thankfully the attacks are much less frequent.

Maggie’s quickly became a space where I could just unload all the things that were going on in my head to someone who’s not connected to my family.

I didn’t have to worry about what they’d think of me and it remains my safe place to talk through what I’m feeling. Trish has been a constant throughout the entire journey and I don’t think I would have coped half as well without her support.

Starting university

Dad said to me, ‘Go to university. You’ll regret not going. Don’t let my diagnosis change your plans.’

He really didn’t want me to miss out on any experiences. But I still had a lot of doubts and worries. I realised that I didn’t feel comfortable being far away from home in case something happened so to begin with I was wondering if I should stay at home instead.

After a lot of going back and forth and talking through my options with not only my mum and dad but also with Trish, I decided I’d feel most comfortable living and studying at a university that was under one hour’s drive from home.

So we drew a circle around Oldham, and Chester University fell into that area. Choosing to study Economics at Chester University is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I was able to enjoy the university experience because I was happy that my decision allowed for me to come home as often as I wanted, and I probably spoke to my dad more when I was in Chester than I would have done had I stayed at home!

Dad’s death and graduation

Dad died in March 2024. It was during the exam period when all my assignments were due in for the end of the second year. I ended up having to defer a lot of these assignments until the summer, and I went back home to be with my dad and my family.

Going back to university after Dad had died was really hard as I no longer had my family around me every day for support like I'd had for the 6 months after Dad passed.

Completing my 3rd year assignments also was quite tough, because Dad was always the one who would read over my coursework for me. So alongside the general stress of being in my final year at university, I was missing my dad. Even though my auntie and my mum were incredible in reading my assignments for me, it still felt wrong, as it had always been my dad’s job.

Trish remained a constant through the entire time, reminding me that what I felt was normal, and that I could do it even when grief felt like the biggest emotion in my life.

Now, I’ve graduated with a 2:1 and was presented with the 2025 University for Economics Award. I’m so proud of what I’ve achieved and am really looking forward to the ceremony in November.

Advice for young people starting university if someone they love has cancer

If someone is starting university and is in the same situation as I was in, I would say: first of all, put a plan in place so that if you need to get back home, you already know exactly how you’re going to get there.

Talking to my tutors and explaining the situation really helped with that, because they knew that if I had to leave for any reason, even if it was just to leave the room for 10 minutes because I was having a panic attack, it was for a valid reason. 

Secondly, being open with your classmates can give you that extra level of support. It can take time to feel comfortable opening up, and you don’t have to tell everyone, but the people I was surrounded by at university really helped me get through the hard times. I’m so lucky that the girls I lived with and my friends on my course made me feel so comfortable and understood. I was slow to open up to them, as they were all new to me, but over time I was able to tell them more about Dad and what my family was going through, and they became a massive support.

And finally, go to Maggie’s. Without their support and care, I don’t know how I would have manged. The staff go out of their way to do whatever they can to help, for me it was Trish going back to zoom calls so I could still speak to her weekly, even when I was in a different city.

We’re here with you

Our cancer support specialists, psychologists and benefits advisors are here for everyone with cancer, and all the people who love them. 

• Come and see us at your nearest Maggie’s
• call us on 0300 123 180 or arrange a callback
• email us at enquiries@maggies.org