Cancer and dying: fears, conversations and preparations

Dying – the first thought that springs to mind on hearing the word 'cancer' for many, and yet the last thing discussed.

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

Benjamin Franklin

For many elderly people, death isn't a taboo subject at all. They talk about end-of-life, death and funeral arrangements in the same sentence as the weather! Generally with age comes a greater acceptance of death, and perhaps the feeling of having lived a full life.

Somehow it feels different when cancer enters the mix. There can be fears about the process of dying, as well as the end result, and often feelings of a life being cut short.

In our centres, we meet people who are facing the prospect of either themselves or a loved one nearing end of life, in turmoil about what may lie ahead, but they don’t know where to start. That's where we can help.

Difficulties talking about cancer and dying

You may find that you can’t bring yourself to talk about your fears – or your family and friends brush aside your worries with the ‘got to think positive’ mantra. Maybe it's the other way round.

You may be struggling with the fierce range of emotions you're experiencing – guilt, sadness, anger, fear – and these can feel difficult to process. You may even be worried about getting tearful or upset in front of certain people.

Sometimes, the 'brushing the subject under the carpet' mentality is so ingrained, that if or when dying becomes a real possibility, the communication doors are firmly shut.

But these thoughts and fears about death and dying are always better aired than bottled up, and you and those you care about may have questions and anxieties that need open discussion.

Preparing for end of life care

• Talk with your GP, specialist nurse, and hospital team about the practicalities of managing the end of life.

Healthcare professionals, particularly in primary care, generally follow the national Gold Standard Framework (GSF), which supports doctors, nurses and care assistants in delivering the highest possible standard of care for people in their final years of life. In practical terms, this means encouraging early planning with families and carers, so that care can be coordinated and potential crises avoided.

It’s not a perfect world, and there are circumstances where things go wrong and care falls below standards. That’s why hospices, nursing homes, GPs and hospital staff endeavour to work together, to make sure end-of-life care is given as much attention as new life and maternity care.

Practicalities around death

There are other practical issues relating to death that need thinking about, including:

• writing or updating your Will
• power of attorney
• writing a Living Will, which includes your preferences around medical treatment should you become unable to communicate them
• funeral wishes

These are often best sorted out long before the hypothetical need to put anything into action. It's also easier to discuss certain matters when it’s not a crisis time so that you get a say in what happens.

This way, the planning is done, and you or your loved one can get on with living.

For carers

If you’re caring for someone with cancer, you too may be facing big questions, and be fearful of the future.

Managing the end stages of someone’s illness can be emotionally and physically draining, and there may be difficult conversations to have.

Talking to each other about what is happening and what it means for you as a couple, parent/child, is important, yet difficult, to do.

Remember that cancer support specialists at Maggie's are here for carers, friends and family too, to prepare you for and support you through these difficult conversations.

Spiritual questions about death

Meanwhile, the psychological and spiritual aspects of dying can often be the thing that keeps people awake at night.

Whether it’s with a Maggie's counsellor, a leader of a faith group/religion, your GP, a specialist nurses, or a wise family member or friend, be sure to find someone who you can talk to about what's bothering you.

Reflection exercise

• Take a moment to consider: is death something you’ve thought about?
• Have you talked to anyone about your concerns about death and dying?

Perhaps it's a more distant concept – with treatments working or behind you – and it’s not a major concern at the moment. Or perhaps you or a loved one is living with advanced cancer and facing the difficult reality of nearing end of life.

Each of us is unique, special and valued, and like with our arrival into the world, conversations and preparations for death and dying should be treated with importance and care.

We're here with you

Whether you have practical or emotional concerns about death or dying after a cancer diagnosis, Maggie's can help you find the right support for you.

• Just come in 
• Call us on 0300 123 180 or arrange a callback
• Email us at enquiries@maggies.org 

Our phone lines and centres are open  Monday to Friday, 9 am to 5 pm.

Last review: Jan 2026 | Next review: Jan 2029